WHEN YOUR FAMILY GROWS. WHAT I DID DIFFERENTLY WHEN I HAD MY SECOND CHILD.

Written by Diana Martins

Learning is part of the parenting journey. My first child was so so tough. Every new stage I felt like a deer in headlights and unsure of what to do. When I had my second child, I was grateful for those hard times, as I learned what worked for me, and what I wanted my experience to be the second time around. 

I tackled baby led weaning. I gave it a go and my second really took to it. I would do a puree mixture and then he would feed himself afterwards. He ended up really loving food and is a good eater to this day. My oldest is a picky eater and doesn’t love food the same way his brother does.

I sleep trained MUCH earlier. With my first I only sleep trained him at 9 months after exhausting all other options and being so desperate for sleep. With my second, I knew that at 13 weeks he could do it and I realized I didn’t have to feel tired or wait. All I was missing out on was more sleep. Tip: it was easier with a younger baby also!

I had a good sleep routine from the start. Being a certified sleep coach at that point, I would swaddle, white noise, sing a song, place him down, dark room and he could (sometimes) put himself to sleep right from the start. I didn’t need to rock for hours like I did the first one.

I strategized my help. Kids laundry, washing dishes I could delegate. Makings meals I could delegate. Holding, feeding, caring for the baby was my job and by removing all the extra stuff I could really bond. With my first, there were too many cooks in the kitchen. It felt like people were over all the time.

I upgraded some baby goods. I chose a different diaper pail, a different baby food machine, white noise and different nursery chair. The gadgets that drove me nuts the first time around, I was not willing to compromise the second time around. 

I only breastfed. With my first, I was trying to do it all.  I found it tough to breastfeed, and pump and have someone give expressed milk. It was confusing to my body and I could never tell if the baby was truly hungry. With my second, I was the sole provider of milk so I knew exactly how much, if he was still hungry and I didn’t waste time with pumping. He would resist a bottle but we found ways to overcome and I’ll save that for another post.

I also didn’t cram my day. With my first I felt I needed to do all the mommy and baby activities and at the time I didn’t realize how much it exhausted me or how much it threw off his sleep. We were going to an appointment or class almost every day. With my second, I only went to a few meet ups and classes here and there and didn’t put any pressure on myself to socialize. 

I took more parenting courses. After the birth of my first and having gone through sleep training. I realized how much there was to learn about being a parent. It’s not all innate knowledge and there are so many professionals for every aspect of your child’s life. I remember taking a baby massage course, I used a dietician to help with my eldest’s eating, I hired a play room expert to help the toys stay safe for both ages. I took a baby led weaning course and read way more parenting books than I did with my first born. 

The struggles I experienced as a first time mom, pushed me to be better for the second time around and learn what works for Diana the Mom versus what doesn’t work. Being more experienced, made it easier to advocate for myself and my child. I had way more autonomy over parenting with my second child then I did with my first. I could trust my intuition a lot more.

Diana Martins

https://dianamartins.ca